i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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