Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
