Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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