Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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