Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
