I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
