dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
