some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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