Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
