I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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