Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
