Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
