I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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