That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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