UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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