I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
