Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
