You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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