Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He shit in the fireplace
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