Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
