One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
