I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have feelings that need drinking.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
