She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
