i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
