i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
