I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Randomize
