Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
