I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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