No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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