I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
