I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
