I looked at my own cervix.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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