he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
