Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
