Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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