It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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