ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
