How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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