:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
