Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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