Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
