eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
