Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
