i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
