That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
