The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
