So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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