OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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