I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
