the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
