Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
